Thursday, October 9, 2008

Future Mother of the Year?

So, I just finished blogging about my amazing concert experience and the kids just informed me that while I had been engaging in a little ME TIME, Beckham had been shoving plastic beads up his nose hole.
Thankfully I happen to be an expert in the field of nostril foreign objects. How did I become so? Allow me to share. When Carter was two and a half he shoved a piece of rubber bouncy ball up his nasal orifice. Due to it's awkward shape and smooth surface the rubber was virtually impossibe to remove with any household tool...i.e. tweezers, needle nose pliers. Not to mention that everytime I "went in" the rubber seemed to retreat further into the nasal passage. I finally resigned and took the kid to the E.R. Five hours and five hundred dollars later I left the ER, broke, tired, but enlightened.
Here's what I learned...my five hundred dollar tip; first, close off the unobstructed nostril with a finger, next cover the child's mouth with your own mouth, making sure to create a perfect seal, finally blow gently, yet firmly (as to not break the seal) into the child's mouth...and voila...out shoots the foreign body; creating a virtual "nasal geyser".
I am happy to report that little Beckham's nose hole is free and clear of any obstruction. Fortunately I was able to catch a perfectly timed sneeze which enabled me to avoid using the "mouth to mouth" technique. I simply held Beckham's mouth shut and the force from the sneeze blew the platic beads...all four of them...right on out.
While the forced projectile technique maybe slimy and a little nauseating it has "saved my bacon" more than once. Hopefully this little info nugget will be a helpful addition to your parenting arsenal as has been to mine.
And yes, I do believe this heroic act has brought me one, teeny, tiny step closer to the title Mother of the Year. The road is long and the destination distant, but hopefully someday I'll get there.

9 comments:

Jodi Simon said...

Fantastic. That is right up there with lighting paper on fire that is funneled into the ear that aches. And we pay thousands for this. Nice!

6deans said...

What can't you do Erika?!! That was quite enlightening.

Michele Ashman Bell said...

I would have paid money to have been there and watched nose rockets shooting out of Beckhams nose. Next time send out invites, willya???

When do we vote for "Mother of the Year" because you definitely get mine.

brendleca said...

Yes, but only if I can charge. ERI'm still paying off the ER bill.

Kendyl Carol Bell said...

I think Andi stuck a bead up her nose, you and my mom are so alike!!!

Malea said...

Actually, Erika, that was pretty great advice, and I'm really glad you shared (absolutely no sarcasm intended). But, Dang, now I'm gonna have ta spit shine my MOTY trophy off and pass it along to you. (sarcasm intended).

Wes and Megan Bell said...

wow. you have much knowledge. i have benefited from your wisdom and will try your nasal magic when my own child explores the orifices of her face.

Amy said...

Any Mom that is trying to "funk" it up, totally has my vote! Love the new motto!

Emily said...

Hey Erika, I decided to make my blog private so I need your email address so I can send you an invite. Email me at emilynelsondean@yahoo.com and than I will have your email. Have a great day.