Thursday, May 28, 2009

T.M.I.?!?

Against my husbands wishes, I am about to share some information...perhaps a little too much, but we're all adults here.
One centimeter and twenty percent. I'll leave it at that.
Now hear my plea. I am a fat, hot(and not in the sassy sense) pregnant lady and I'm in need of your suggestions. However, don't share unless it has actually worked...I can't handle the disappointment.
As I said, I am fat...no really, not just pregnant...I'm fat. My doctor assured me that I was not carrying a ten pound baby as I thought, but that, in fact, I was measuring on the smaller side if anything. Great!!! So the five pounds I put on in the last two weeks is not baby growth, but more likely buttock cellulite.
Due to my girthy state, I am finding myself all sorts of hot. It doesn't help that it's getting warmer everyday and we don't have A/C.
Anywho, back to my plea. What can I do to get this baby out of my bellee? I need your tried and true suggestions. I will forever be grateful to you...and so will my family.

Yours truly,

The fat lady (who is too freakin' hot to sing right now)

8 comments:

Emily N said...

With Alice, I took the following measures in the 24 hours before labor started. I don't know what worked, but maybe one of these things. Lots of evening primrose oil, my membranes were stripped, we went on a walk, the use of the "marriage bed", the use of a breast pump, eating eggplant Parmesan, eating some balsamic vinegar, pressure points, and drinking some raspberry leaf tea. Anyway, she was born only one day late, as apposed to seven with Sally.

Malea said...

I dig essential oils for stuff. Use this as a cooling spray: 5 drops Lavender, 1 drop Peppermint to 1 cup water. Spritz to help you cool down. Spray on arms, and legs. Due to the Peppermint do not spray on face. If you wish to use this mixture near the face, dampen a cloth and lightly dab it on your face.

If you are having a "hot flash" - a spritzer made with Chamomile, rose and Lavender is very cooling and relieving. 1 drop Rose, 3 drops -Chamomile and 5 drops Lavender to 2 ounces distilled water, Shake well, spray as needed.

If you want to go all out make a spray with this:
Clary Sage - 4 drops
Chamomile - 3 drops
Geranium - 3 drops
Cypress - 2 drops
Peppermint - 1 drop
8 ounces water.

Mix essential oils in bottle and add 8 ounces water. Spritz yourself as needed to cool down. Shake well before each use.

Now, you could also add some peppermint to the well of a cool water humidifier plus the spray, and a fan. Your going to need all of this on hand, because to get that baby out your going to need to use that "marriage bed" for a lot of hot sweaty sex. cheers.

tice said...

Um...loving the tune on the blog, first of all. And, girl, I feel your pain as I was a not small nine month pregnant, hot [not in a sassy way] woman.

The whole sex to get the baby out thing never worked for me. TMI? Too bad.

I hear caster oil does the trick but it'll give you the runs, supposedly. I was never brave enough to try it but I have three friends and a cousin who did and all gave birth within 24 hours. So I say get thee to a Walgreens, take a swig and say a nice long prayer to the pregnancy gods.

Good luck.

Bill Nicolich said...

I just want to say that I'm excited for the Brendle Bunch for the new edition that will arrive soon!

I wish the whole family a wonderful experience welcoming the new edition to planet earth!

Joosten said...

CASTOR OIL!! Mix it with orange juice so you can drink it! You will get the runs right at first but it will induce labor! My doctor told me to do it and it worked. I had Sarah within 24 hours!! I wouldn't do it until you are about 2-3 cm though! Good Luck....we are crossing our fingers and toes it will be soon!!!

Ashlyn said...

Wait do you have my DS or just the box it was in?

Mandi said...

NOOOOO! I havent finished your carseat yet... How much longer are supposed to have? If your doctor is like Brad have him strip your membranes when he checks you... its painful but D was 2 weeks early. Ps your car seat should be done on Tues. It is very cute!

Michele Ashman Bell said...

Roll those nipples. Works every time, if . . . your baby is ready to be born. It will jumpstart labor, but isn't magic. Nothing will work if that baby isn't ready. But if little Brendlina is ready to come out, get ready to rock and roll!