Please Don't Report Me

Okay, so this is my attempt to persuade you all to forget about turning me in for mental/emotional abuse.
I know that some of the things I say sound harsh...and at times, downright appalling. But allow me to explain myself. Surely you will see my point.
My kids know me well enough to know that I would never drop them off at a gas station in a strage, unfamiliar, podunk town and just leave them there. I might drop them off and drive a few hundred feet, but I would eventually stop and let the hysterical child back in the vehicle. They know this...I've done it before.
And the whole adoption thing...come on, I wouldn't really ever adopt them out. Certainly they know this...I haven't done it yet. Besides they are all finally getting old enough to work...and let's face it, I need all the manual help I can get.
As for the whole peeing thing. You gotta understand, it was said out of safety really...for the whole family. As the only adult on this particular trip, I was not comfortable pulling the car off to the side of the freeway and accompanying a bladder saturated child outside whilst he/she relieved him/herself. Surely one of the unattended dears would hop out the opposite door and try to run across the freeway, only to end up like the mangled skunk we'd passed five miles previous. And how would I explain that one to the old man? So, "just pee your pants", you see, is not me being mean or irritated...rather, it is me being a good mom.
So there you have it. Now, I'm sure you totally understand. My kids are fine...they will be fine. They totally get me. So, will you please, please, please forget about reporting me. It's all good.